Torn
by veronique2
Summary: Michae's is torn about his feelings for Brian.


Torn  
  
I was in Brian's arms, on my sofa, watching a boring movie. I loved the way he was holding me. Slowly I felt his breath near my neck then his lips kissing my ear and I began to giggle because of the effects that was doing to me. I was still watching the movie but I could tell that he was smiling because of my giggle.  
  
Next I felt his hand caressing my face with so much tenderness, like I was porcelain doll and I loved feeling his hand on my face and now his lips were on mine. He kissed me, his tongue begged for entrance and I couldn't resist him and let him do what he wanted with my mouth. God, I loved so much the way he kissed me and I kissed him back.  
  
I wondered why he often felt the need to kiss me and hold me like that. The first answer I usually found was because he loved me, that's why he needed to be so close, like I needed to be close to him because I loved him the same way. But why? Could he really love me the same way?  
  
Another part of me was telling me he didn't. He was just trying to hook me up as usual like my friends used to say. But if he was really doing that, he must knew that when he did that, he hurt me badly. So why? Brian would never hurt me on purpose I knew that. He was always being there, a protector who takes care of me since we met, he was never hurting me on purpose just for fun or his person. So if he was kissing me like that, it was because he loved me for sure.  
  
His kiss was so passionate, so tender, I could felt the love radiate from him. God, I needed to come back to earth, it's just my imagination, and how could Brian could love me that way so much? He was still with Justin after all. He loved Justin as a lover and me as a brother, that's all. But that's not a brotherly kiss, and he was always saying to me Justin is not his boyfriend. He never said to Justin that he loved him, but he already did to me. Come on, I wasn't that much of an idiot, he was talking about a friendly love, no more.. I knew it.  
  
That kiss was driving me insane and I had to pull away. We could hardly breathe because of the passionate kiss we shared. He still looked at me. He was smiling, a beautiful smile, then he turned his head to watch the TV. But it was too late, I was already going nuts. I didn't hear myself asking the question of him for the first time in 18 years.  
  
"Do you love me?"  
  
He turned his head to me, and I could see my question shocked him a lot. He looked confused and now I felt so stupid, I wanted to run far, far away from here. Why did I ask that stupid question? I already knew the answer and now he was about to break my heart again.. He was still looking at me but his surprise was replaced with a tender look. With a soft and calm voice he simply said,  
  
"I love you, Michael," with a real shy smile.  
  
And I was just confused, almost about to cry. I wanted to cry because I was unable to understand what he was talking about. It wasn't the answer I was waiting for. I was prepared for something clearer like, 'you are my best friend, Mikey,' or something he couldn't let me hope for at all. But when the situation happened, he never said that. It's like he was waiting to know my feelings too well. I didn't know, I guessed. But what was that 'I love you' after all? Maybe just that, I love you like a friend, no more, or more? And I was trying to hold my tears back. I was feeling so bad, I just didn't know what he had just said. I needed to escape from that situation, because he was still looking at me and now his face seemed upset or something near to that.  
  
"Ben will be there soon, I have to phone to order a pizza," I just said. He frowned again. When I said Ben's name, he looked hurt. He always looked hurt when I talked about Ben. Was it because he really loved me, and he was hurt like I was when he was talking about Justin to me?  
  
The hurt was no more on his face.  
  
"Couple's life sounds so boring, Mikey. Pizza after work and go to bed, so boring."  
  
His voice wasn't kind, just sarcastic, and I felt stupid again. He stared at me again, and my mind was completely frozen. He moved closer to me and kissed me on the cheek, and I felt something wet on my cheek like a tear. Brian's tear? I didn't have time to figure it out; he was already at the door and I didn't have time to see his face once again.  
  
"See you tomorrow, Mikey."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
I didn't have the strength to say more, and I put my hand on my cheek. It was wet. I was thinking he was really loving me the way I wanted... I was thinking I probably hurt him badly... I was wondering, did he really love me that way? Maybe I was just imagining everything because I wanted it so badly. I had to phone to order that pizza, I had to stop thinking, Ben was about to come back.  
  
I ordered my pizza.  
  
Fin. 


End file.
